


A State of Readiness

by sidsaid



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Boy Scouts, F/M, Filth, Fingering, Fluff, HEA, Hand Job, Is this crack?, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, PWP, Pining, Porn With Plot, Reylo - Freeform, Smut, Some Fluff, Vaginal Fingering, a lot of that tbh, absolute filth, actually quite a lot of fluff, happy ever after, idk - Freeform, lite angst, scout leaders ben and rey, scouts AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:55:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22107436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidsaid/pseuds/sidsaid
Summary: As summer approaches and the scouts in Asst. Scoutmaster Rey’s troop prepare for a summer of camping, she’s left to handle the stragglers with on-loan Scoutmaster Ben Solo, who she may or may not have an obsession with. Scouts AU.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 29
Kudos: 269





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JenfysNest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenfysNest/gifts).



> This is dedicated to my wives, but specifically to Jenfysnest and her inspiration as a leader of the ‘smut till you drop’ committee. She made the brave statement of ‘3 Fingers is Good’ and after that, I set my heart on making the filthiest thing I possibly could, in the most juvenile setting possible. I hope that I have done her proud. 
> 
> I've written this all, so will post the rest over the weekend probs.
> 
> I had to do a lot of research for this as I know literally nothing about the BSA, but alas. Also pretend that girls were let into the BSA like 20 years ago. Please enjoy!

It was a figure-eight knot. Terylene. Light blue with a pattern of red and white knitted through it. 

No matter how well Rey described the nimble flexibility of Ben’s unreasonably thick fingers, or the fact that the knot was the finest she had ever seen, her friends simply thought she was unhinged. 

Who was obsessed with how a man tied knots? It didn’t speak to his potential dexterity in other areas? No, no not at all. 

The eroticism of his dexterity was definitely lost on her friends, who Rey was very aware were one conversation away from either finding her someone to fuck or giving her an intervention. 

Rey ached out a weak orgasm, hating herself for it. She still couldn’t decide whether her disappointment in herself was due to her lackluster sex life or the fact that she so easily got off to thoughts of a man’s, well one man in particular’s, ability to tie a simple knot. 

The Master Series Bang G-Spot Vibrating Finger Glove was an absolute bust. Silicone didn’t work, nor did the fact that she still couldn’t reach around enough with her own hand to go as deep as she wanted. It was awkward and even if it easily brought her to her peak, Rey knew it wasn’t just an orgasm that she wanted. She’d tried at least three vibrating wands and rabbits to know that the path of the silicon sex toy was not for her. She needed warmth. A human. 

Rey was ready to toss the thing across the room in frustration, but rather than that, untied it from her wrist and wrapped it in the shorts she’d pulled off to start this endeavour. 

Her mind raced through possible solutions to her current situation. 

Poe had suggested it before – that she find an actual man to pleasure her, yet the concept of actually seeking out a human, deeming them normal enough to invite to her flat, and figuring out whether they were willing, seemed exceptionally long winded, and did not deal with the fact that the fingers she was so obsessed with belonged to one Benjamin Solo. A man who deserved better than her erotic fantasies. He didn’t seem like the type to fuck for fun and the fact that they practically worked together, didn’t spell well for potential future interaction. 

She sighed, closing her eyes and thinking again. 

‘Warm water in a latex glove.’ 

Rey was up and out of her bed, searching through her bathroom drawers and pulling out the two items. She tried to ignore the soft chiding of Poe in her own mind; _you have finally gone off the deep end, Rey._

She pulled out the glove from her first-aid kit and waited as the water warmed up a tad. Filling it and tying the end off, she trialed it. Despite being sceptical, Rey still went about lubing the water balloon of a glove up and taking it back to her room. 

Lying back down, her head propped up on her pillow and her legs bent at the knee and spread, she rubbed one of the fingers of the glove along her slit, satisfied by the warmth but finding there was not much difference than with the silicone. 

It was easy for her mind at least, to go back to the image of girthy fingers moving nimbly, and she pushed a filled finger into herself, the pressure slight, but the thickness not being much more than her own. There wasn’t enough give in the glove either for her to manoeuvre it like a real hand. She couldn’t move the thumb to press against her clit without displacing the finger from inside of her. 

Rey huffed, frustrated, her grip too tight on the glove as she aimed to push another finger into herself before the glove burst, flooding her bed with water. 

She froze, feeling the water gush out over her thighs and up her back, before she burst out laughing, her eyes on the ceiling again and almost hysterical. 

It was what she deserved she supposed. 

**XxX**

‘Are you listening, Ms Rey?’ 

She blinked, looking to her left and finding one of her troop, Peter, looking up at her with a pout, and the worst clove hitch knot she’d ever seen in her life in his hands. 

Pulled back to the reality of a simple pre-summer weekend camp, where Rey couldn’t have more than five minutes on her own in the quiet. There was some satisfaction in this being the final day, though, and the end of anymore camping related responsibilities. It was how she’d been able to have a few moments at the lifeguard post at the edge of the lake.

Peter’s uniform was covered in splotches of mud and his scarf was pulled at an angle. He was the youngest in Troop 105 and Rey chuckled as she neatened him up before directing her attention to his attempt at a knot. 

‘Can I test for my pioneering badge?’ he questioned.

Rey hesitated and looked over the knot. ‘You know that I’m by the book, Peter. I can’t be lenient if you can’t answer all my questions and if you fail at doing any of the required knots.’

‘But—’

‘Don’t worry, there isn’t a rush,’ she smiled, and gestured for him to sit next to her on the grass. ‘Let’s go through this step by step again.’

The young boy nodded, and she began leading him through it, taking the round stick he had been practicing on, and creating two loops. 

‘You know if you can get this one done, you’ll get your badge before Jolin, right?’ 

Peter beamed. ‘I’m gonna do the First Aid badge after this one.’

Rey nodded, grinning. ‘I think you’ll be really good at that, I saw how well you tied up Eli’s paw when he got that cut. You know in the winter we’re gonna have a career day, and I thought—’ 

Her voice died in her throat when she felt a shadow pass over them and Rey glanced up to see the swollen chest belonging to her current fixation, Ben Solo, blocking out the sun, his hands awkwardly lying by his sides.

‘Let me take over. Maz needs you in the first-aid shed.’ 

Rey took a moment to pretend that she was enthralled with her work, her eyes closing as she listened to the soft rumble of his voice before she glanced first at his hands and then up at him. He shifted his position and the sun struck a beam through the lens of his glasses, directly into Rey’s eyes.

She closed them and he cleared his throat, seemingly waiting for a reply. Using a hand for safety, she opened her eyes once more to find him looking down at her with the same serious expression he always seemed to wear on these camping trips. 

‘Okay,’ she murmured, standing. Her eyes fell to the ‘Journey to Excellence’ patch just below his right shoulder that she had on her own uniform, the big ‘107’ beneath it and then the ‘Scoutmaster’ patch which sat on the small pocket below that.

Ben watched and waited as she sidestepped him and he slipped to the ground, his long legs folding awkwardly on the ground. Rey didn’t leave immediately, wanting to watch him begin to use the fingers she’d spent many insomnia-filled hours thinking of. 

He began going through the knot with Peter, cracking his fingers before he picked up the rope. Noticing Rey still hovering, he looked up at her. 

‘Are you not going?’ He asked.

Rey blinked, trying to act nonchalant, and hurried away. 

Despite the sun beating down on her back, it was thoughts of Ben making sweat drip down the back of her neck, and she reached for her canteen, drinking it back and trying to distract herself away from him. It was a weekend camp, there was no place for this. 

Skin itching, she found some more of her troop, and set about guiding them through their final tasks ahead of the badge ceremony and dinner. They’d all achieved a lot over the weekend, so it at least gave her some peace of mind that her troop were well supported, even if her Scoutmaster Snap was far too interested in preparing the small portion of their troop who would be off to camp in two weeks. With him. Leaving her alone. 

Rey sighed, tying another bun into her hair below the previous one, and then another, keeping her hair from her damp neck. 

The bell rang for the badge ceremony and Rey began to gather her scouts along with Snap, who had miraculously appeared. They filed out to the central square, where chairs had been lined up in front of a movable stage. Three seats were set to the right side for the district chairmans and a podium with the BSA emblem placed in the centre. 

Once all of the children were seated in front of the stage, the assistant scoutmasters took standing positions on one side of the aisle while the scoutmasters took the other. All except Scoutmaster of the 107th troop, Benjamin Solo, who approached the stage.

Rey shouldn’t have been surprised. During every event, every roundtable, the man had spoken or at the very least been lauded over by the higher ups. Apparently the most perfect scoutmaster that ever lived, and though Rey wasn’t bitter about that, it meant that seeing him was unavoidable. 

She’d never lusted over someone so readily, so it was uncomfortable to be around him, and she felt awkward trying to communicate with him when he consumed her free thoughts, despite how easy she was able to talk with everyone else. Rey knew there were limits to how she felt, yet she found herself continuously breaching them. 

The one rule she’d always had for herself – do not masturbate thinking of someone you actually know non-romantically – she had failed to follow through, and rather than trying to quit, against her better judgement she’d continued to do it. 

Rey glanced up as Ben took the podium, smiling without teeth and pulling his hand behind his back to stop the automatic wave that he usually pulled in greeting. She chuckled watching him, strangely awkward yet confident once he got around to talking. It made him very personable, and on the few occasions that Rey had managed a five minute conversation with him, it gave her more of a reason why she shouldn’t have been lusting over him. He deserved better. 

‘I am here to close the 52nd annual Capital City district pre-summer adventure weekend with our badge ceremony. I hope that all of you have had a fulfilling weekend and are proud of your accomplishments made so far, and for those of you who will be going to summer camp next week, I hope you’ve had a good taste of what’s to come. We have Chairs Gial Ackbar and Wedge Antilles, and Chartered Organization Rep Lor San Tekka here today to present your badges, so please everyone come up in your troops as I call you, but before that, let’s start with a few words from Chairman Ackbar.’

Ben stepped aside as the older man approached the stage from his seat and began to speak to the crowd. Rey’s eyes were solely on Ben, who twisted the lanyard of keys around his neck. He caught her stare and there was that smile again, brief and small, but accompanied by a sincerity in his eyes. 

_He’s too good for you_. 

She glanced away, trying to chill the goosebumps that had found her even under the sun. 

The chairman smiled and moved to the side of the stage alongside Antilles and San Tekka who all now stood. Ben took the podium again and the secretary brought a selection of packs onto the stage, separated by troop. 

Ben would announce the troop, their leaders and then the kids one by one, naming the badges they had been awarded. A three-fingered salute was exchanged between the senior leaders and the scout, and then they were able to stand to the side of the stage with the rest of their troop until they had all been celebrated. 

If any of the scouts thought to salute to Ben too, he provided in turn and Rey sighed gently, her eyes on his fingers. They had been what had gotten her into this mess. The first time she had ever met him, he had had to salute to almost one hundred scouts and she had been transfixed. It had been strange for her to consider that fingers could be so beautiful and yet there they were. After that she’d seen him bugle and at the Christmas concert, play the piano through the night. It did not help her think of anything else. She wanted him to key her up with the delicate strokes of his long and thick fingers. Make music spill from her own mouth. 

Rey closed her eyes, remembering where she was and swallowing the building saliva in her mouth as she concentrated on moving her troop along the aisle and towards the stage. 

As they went through the scouts, Rey stood to the side smiling, gripping shoulders and hugging the scouts who came back with badges and grins. 

Once the commencement was over, the scouts were allowed to run free within the camp, while the adult leaders gathered for a quick round up, with further information for the agenda of the next monthly roundtable. What Rey hadn’t expected was for Chairman Ackbar to say that due to the majority but not all scouts going to camp, there would be troop meetings and events throughout the summer, though the leadership would be reorganised for it.

Rey raised an eyebrow as she listened, fidgeting in her seat. Snap was taking five or so of their troop to camp, as the other kids were not in a position to go. In a way, Rey liked staying for the summer. She hadn’t gone to summer camp as a child because she hadn’t been able to afford it, and the only reason she hadn’t been completely bitter about it was because her scoutmaster and assistant scoutmaster had made the summers fun. She wanted to do the same. 

‘As all the scouts from troops 107, 109, 74 and 98 will be attending camp this summer, the leaders who remain will be supporting troops 105, 88 and 103.’ 

Considering her troop wasn’t the biggest, she was the only assistant in Troop 105, so working without Snap was difficult. Rey glanced between the ten assistants and four scoutmasters, wondering who would be sent to her troop before her gaze settled on Ben. 

‘Assistant Scoutmasters Kaydel and Dominic will be with 88, and Assistant Scoutmaster Jannah with 103. Which leaves us with Scoutmaster Ben Solo with 105.’ 

Ben’s eyes met hers and Rey wasn’t quite sure how to react. It was one thing seeing Ben once a month at most, it was another running weekly meetings with him for six weeks. Having to plan them with him, catch him up on the needs of her scouts. 

The area had cleared before Rey was able to pay attention to where she was and what she was doing. Ben was standing a metre away from her, his brow raised and his fingers on his keys again. 

‘Sorry, what?’ Rey asked. 

Ben chuckled, twisting the lanyard. ‘I asked if you wanted to eat dinner with me. We can go over how I can help you.’ 

Rey chewed on her lip, knowing this was necessary, but also knowing that it would impact her sanity to sit across from Ben. To be able to watch him use a knife and fork. 

‘Unless you have time in the week before the next meeting?’ 

She considered, though was aware that she had a full time job.

‘Now, now will be fine.’ 

Ben nodded and gestured as they walked, Rey’s hands tucked tightly into her khaki shorts while he twisted his keys, the metal jangling beside her. 

‘I’ve never asked you before, but you grew up with 105, right?’ Ben asked.

Rey nodded, the skin of her wrist itching, though she resisted scratching. ‘They were all I had,’ she murmured honestly. ‘You weren’t in 107, though, were you?’ 

Ben shook his head. ‘Not for long. My dad was the Scoutmaster for 107.’ He hesitated and let out a breath. ‘But he died not long after I joined, so I transferred to 88.’ 

‘So now you’re carrying on where your dad left off?’ 

He nodded briefly, before looking at Rey. She was watching her feet move through the dirt, feeling his eyes on her temple. 

They entered the cafeteria filled with talking children and they took a spot in the line, grabbing trays. Rey still hadn’t said anything else and she felt a headache forming at her temple with her desire to not let the silence continue for any longer. 

‘You play the piano really well,’ she murmured.

Ben looked confused for a moment, before he breathed out a laugh. ‘You remember that?’ 

Rey nodded. ‘Though everyone says you can’t do anything badly.’ 

‘I can’t bake and I’m a terrible sewer. Nearly failed becoming an Eagle Scout because of it.’ 

She chuckled, nodding and reached for the cutlery, handing a set to Ben. ‘Maybe I’ll believe that.’

‘I’m serious,’ he said with a brief pout. ‘I’m not sure why everyone talks like I’m some jack-of-all-trades. It’s like my dad told everyone to be nice to me before he checked out.’ 

Rey shook her head, smiling up at the scouts serving the food. ‘Lasagne please.’ She turned back to Ben. ‘You can try and deny it, but you are quite talented. Why do you think they put you with me? I’m the most hopeless of the lot.’

‘I don’t think that.’ 

She snorted, taking up an apple pie, her chest feeling light at the ease in which she was speaking with him. ‘Just because we’ll be working together doesn’t mean you have to butter me up.’ 

‘I think it’s sort of fun buttering you up, because you take it so badly. It would be too easy if you just accepted all of my compliments.’

‘Well don’t make it a chore,’ she said pointedly. 

Ben smiled and led the way to an empty table near the kitchen doors. He put his tray down, pulled a chair for Rey and then sat himself. She couldn’t help watching him, feeling her stomach roil, feeling as if she was suddenly special. 

They ate in silence for a moment, Rey savouring her favourite dish, and thankful that the round of scouts managing the kitchen were decent cooks. 

‘Is it good?’ Ben asked, picking up his sloppy joe. 

Rey nodded with a food-filled smile. ‘The kids have definitely earned their badges with this one. One of mine, Armie, is in there. He’s an absolute drill sergeant of a patrol leader, but he knows what my favourites are.’ 

‘Lasagna?’ 

‘Yeah,’ she took another mouthful. 

Ben smiled, forking a bushel of broccoli, then took a notepad out of his back pocket and flicked it open half way before taking his pencil out of his shirt pocket.

‘So it’s 23 in your troop not going to camp?’ Ben asked, making notes.

‘Yeah. They’re mostly okay about it, but you know how kids are.’ 

He nodded. ‘Maybe we can do something with them, then.’

Rey agreed. ‘I took a day in July, so I hope we can get them all on a hike or a watersports trip. One thing you can say about 105, is that they are all a bunch of fish.’ 

Ben smiled. ‘I wish I could say the same for 107, they threaten mutiny weekly.’ 

‘No they don’t,’ she said with a laugh. ‘I see the way your troop look at you. I’m sure they were begging you to go to camp with them.’ 

‘I heard tell they were planning to push me into Sacramento River, so I talked my way out of going this year.’

Rey laughed, though stopped when Ben looked up at her, and just watched her emote as if it was the most casual thing in the world. They’d never even spoken for this long before. 

‘Troop 107 meets in St Eglantine’s Church Hall at 5pm. Lately we’ve been working on Arts related merit badges, as our troop is lacking in that area. Snap spent the last year building up their outdoor badges. As I mentioned, Armie is one of our patrol leaders, the others being Charlie and Emma. They are brilliant pioneers and run the general knowledge and history quizzes we have every week, so they are more than prepared for American Heritage and Culture badges.’

Rey removed her mobile from her pocket and flicked through before pushing it towards Ben. ‘This is our current schedule for badge ceremonies. We invite parents two months in advance.’ 

Ben smiled as he flicked through Rey’s phone. ‘You run a tight ship,’ he murmured, his fingers pressed to his mouth. She followed the movement, her eyes moving from his full lips to the thick knuckles on his fingers, to the clean nails and the few moles that were scattered across the pale skin of his hand. She’d never seen his hands so close before. He pushed his glasses up his nose and his eyes met hers. ‘What can I do for you?’ 

The words were on the tip of her tongue before she held back, blinking before she answered. ‘Wrangling mostly.’ 

‘Simple enough,’ he answered with a smile. ‘You know this is the most you’ve ever talked to me, and the way you talk about your troop.’ He paused and Rey couldn’t read the expression he gave her. It was still a smile, but there was a severe set to his brow, enough so that she thought that perhaps he was scolding her in a nice way. ‘It’s really beautiful.’ 

Not knowing how to respond, Rey distantly nodded, swallowing and bringing her hands from the table’s edge and into her lap. Her fingers pulled at the hem of her shorts before she swallowed, and glanced down at her watch, seeing the time and standing up abruptly. ‘I should probably sort out my troop. Snap likes disappearing around this time.’ 

‘Oh, uh,’ he blinked standing too. 

Rey reached for the phone in his hands and swiped it away. ‘I’ll see you next Wednesday, right?’ She asked quickly, though did not wait for Ben’s answer and rushed away. 

It was a brisk walk and thirty-seconds of steadying breaths before she had her back against the cabin she’d shared with ten others. 

**XxX**

Rey whimpered weakly, rolling her fingers along the hood of her clit, soothing herself out of her climax, wishing that it had been better than it was. 

She’d managed approximately two hours on her own in her own home before she’d taken to masturbating and staring aimlessly at the walls. A part of her considered whether it was a crutch, though Rey was thoroughly sold on it being an appropriate use of her time rather than a refllection of her inabilitity to go long lengths of time without thinking of sex, and therefore subsequently thinking of Ben Solo. 

For a moment she had considered sitting on her hand for a bit, just to numb the sensation and feel as if it wasn’t herself giving her pleasure, but Rey was very aware of how similar that proposal had been to the ice idea, which had ended poorly. 

If she wasn’t so weary of strangers, perhaps she would have put on her coat and marched down to the nearest bar in search of a fellow desperate individual, though Rey could only wrap herself more tightly in her comforter and try to avoid thinking about the fact that Ben would be her scoutmaster for the entire summer. 

It was rather daunting considering he filled eighty percent of her sexual fantasies when she saw him once a month. Rey wasn’t quite ready to contemplate what seeing him at least once a week would do to her vagina, let alone her mental health. 

They’d already exchanged a handful of texts about the next meeting, and though they didn’t even graze the surface of anything salacious, she still felt under the distinct impression that he was being too kind. Unnecessarily so, when she was the one inconveniencing him. When he was the one who had to drive thirty minutes to help their troop. 

Her phone buzzed and she sighed, reaching for it from her bed burrito – narrowly avoiding rolling off the bed – and read the screen. 

> **Poe:** _You finished jerking off yet?_
> 
> **Rey:** _Shut up. I was eating dinner._
> 
> **Poe:** _Yeah fucking right. 7pm is prime jerking time for you._
> 
> **Rey:** :( stop exposing me. 
> 
> **Poe:** _Finn_ _and I will be there in 10, we’ve got food._
> 
> **Rey:** _I will forgive and forget your trespasses_. 

Rey cleaned up as quickly as she could, getting out of her uniform and putting on loose tracksuit bottoms and an old shirt just as Poe unlocked her apartment door with the spare key. He came in backwards, wiggling his bottom as he sang something under his breath. 

He was carrying a large bag, while Finn had a pot in his hands. 

‘Evening, Rey, we have sustenance.’ Poe cheered. 

‘Is this because you feel bad for me for some reason?’ Rey questioned.

Finn chuckled, but Poe answered in the affirmative, receiving a glower from Rey in return. 

‘I mean, you spent your weekend with a bunch of hormonal nerds, working towards wilderness badges or whatever the fuck they do. One more weekend where you’re robbed of human affection, and since you won’t listen to us and fuck a stranger, we offer beef stroganoff to warm your heart.’ 

‘You really have a way with words, Poe,’ Rey sighed, faux-dreamily. ‘It makes me want to go outside, and step into traffic hoping the love of my life will pull me back onto the kerb.’

Finn snorted and put the pot on the stove, beginning to gently heat up the food. ‘You could just ask out that guy you’re lusting over.’

‘That guy I’m lusting over is going to be a temporary Scoutmaster for my troop.’ 

Poe’s neck cracked with the speed in which he snapped it towards Rey again, approaching her swiftly and his hands dropping to her shoulders. ‘Excu-Scoutmaster-what? Isn’t that basically your boss?’ 

Rey hesitated and nodded. 

‘Ooh, Rey can bang her boss,’ Poe said happily. 

‘Think of the children, Poe,’ Finn added, tapping the wooden spoon on the edge of the pot to make a point. 

Poe sighed. ‘Aren’t they over 12? Old enough to know about the birds and bees, Finn.’ 

‘You’re making it sound like they’re giving the kids a performance,’ Finn responded, eyes narrowed at Poe. 

He turned, rolling his eyes. ‘Stop taking things literally. Look Rey, you wait till the coast is clear, grab Mr Nerdy Scoutmaster, point to a closet and there you go.’ 

‘It’s incredible how easily that comes to you.’ Rey murmured, shaking her head with a laugh. ‘We are somehow the nerds yet I know how to change a wheel, rig a boat, build a shed—’

‘—Yeah yeah, you’re a modern day Jane Goodall’ Poe interrupted. 

Rey burst out laughing. ‘What on earth have I got to do with chimpanzees?’

‘Those kids might as well be monkeys. You’re practically their zookeeper.’ 

‘Watch your mouth, Poe. One day the girl scouts are going to hear what you said, and they won’t just withhold the thin mints, they’ll kick your ass too.’ 

Poe made a face at Finn before turning back to Rey, shaking her slightly. ‘I swear to god, I am going to find you a mail-order husband if you don’t do something with this opportunity.’

Rey pouted and pulled Poe’s hands from her shoulders. ‘Regardless of whatever needs you may or may not be correct about me needing, I am against going after Ben. I think...I think it’s probably healthier that he be the last person I go after. You don’t give an alcoholic a glass of wine when they are starving of thirst.’

‘So you’d rather die just on principal?’ 

‘I’m not going to use him for my own gain.’ 

Finn looked over then, his brows furrowed, but he didn’t say anything. Poe rubbed at the stubble on his chin and he backed up, seemingly in thought. He approached Finn, asking him something that he said too lowly for Rey to hear, before he went sifting through her cutlery draw to set the table.

Rey watched them both navigate around each other in her kitchen, and she felt her stomach jerk in jealousy. She imagined a fourth, faceless figure filling the room with their presence, not having an identity, but being someone who was there for her. The other half of her like Finn was for Poe, and Poe was for Finn.

She sat down as her friends served her and Rey tried to consider whether Poe might be right. Then for a brief moment, she wondered whether thinking about Ben in this way was just as bad as thinking of him in a purely sexual light. 

**XxX**

‘What are you looking at?’

Rey jumped when she heard Ben’s voice behind her, the hair standing up on the back of her neck as he slid into the seat beside her and looked over at the phone in her hands. 

The week and three days that had passed since Poe and Finn had brought her beef stroganoff for dinner had not enlightened Rey anymore. She’d managed to calm herself to the idea of spending so much time with Ben, though Poe suggested it was resignation. She had resigned herself from human connection, and that’s why she was so unwilling to follow through with his suggestions. Rey hated him for saying it, yet she couldn’t deny it completely. It was easier for her to say that she feared the fallout before ever letting anything happen. 

She’d ended up taking his words to heart when she had wanted to ignore them, stamp them out and burn them, yet as Ben sat beside her, she couldn’t help thinking of her unwillingness to try, to make an attempt, and that attempt didn’t have to be purely physical. It could be whatever she wanted. Whatever that may be. 

Whatever that may be.

‘Nothing,’ Rey managed, stumbling over her words at the heat of him next to her. Her eyes couldn’t help being drawn to his hands again. They rested on the edge of the table and she swallowed before looking back at her own hands. 

The pair of them were both silent for a moment, Rey scratching the edge of her phone on the table and Ben breathing softly beside her, clearly not noticing the wreck that he’d made her. As if by cruel preternatural reflex, the silence left her with her own thoughts as company, and she felt her face crimson at the memory of what she had done the night before. How desperate she had been. 

‘You can ask Chairman Ackbar for someone else, if you prefer?’ Ben finally murmured. ‘I know it’s only the next few months, but it might—’ 

Rey blinked, glancing at him and he stopped, his words dying in his throat as he met her eyes. She couldn’t help how her gaze flickered to his lips momentarily, before looking back at him, and by the shift in his brow, she knew he had seen it. 

‘You’d prefer if I wasn’t here, right?’ It didn’t seem like he believed the words, and Rey saw him cling onto the table, creating a distance between them. 

‘I like you here.’ She responded, closing her eyes. The words were on the tip of her tongue. She had been psyching herself up all week for this, for a means of getting him out of her system, yet her efforts barely worked. 

‘But you’ve avoided talking to me...even just meeting my eye. Did I do something?’ 

Rey caught the hurt in his voice and she opened her eyes to look at him, trying to not feel the way her heart pounded when she did. Trying to not think about how often and with how much detail she had thought about him naked. It was shallow, she knew it. She’d known Ben for a year, and her thoughts were as deep as puddles. 

She avoided responding rather than implicating herself, and Ben frowned more, though did not yet seem willing to get up. His eyes scanned hers, his cheeks red, and Rey was embarrassed that she had made him feel this way. She’d known from the minute she’d joined BSA leadership post-college what kind of man he was, but everything else had fallen to the wayside because of her overactive imagination and general horniness. 

‘I am a selfish person, so you’re better off,’ she said breezily, attempting to get up, though he halted her with a hand. 

He let go, his face downturned. ‘Sorry,’ he mumbled. 

Rey didn’t continue moving though, she just continued to look at him. Turning the idea over in her head once more. It would be okay, it would be an exchange. It wouldn’t hurt to ask. He’d surely been involved with casual. He only had to say yes or no.

‘Ben,’ she said. 

He looked up at her again, expression earnest. 

‘Would you—if I asked you to—’ She loosed a breath, unsure if her own fear of rejection was causing this, or sheer nerves at the idea of him saying yes. ‘Could I ask you for a favour?’ She amended. He was ready to answer, but she shook her head, continuing. ‘A purely personal favour, and you can say no. Absolutely you can.’

‘What do you need?’ He asked, and she sighed, wondering the same thing. 

The hall had completely emptied out of all of the children, and as Rey had the keys to lock up, they were likely still the only ones there. She could ask, and it would only be embarrassing for the two of them. 

‘If I gave you a blow job would you finger me? It doesn’t have to mean anything,’ she said quickly, looking up at him. The words said out loud sounded worse. They sounded catastrophic.

Ben was silent, though she could see from his expression that his confusion was leaking beyond his eyes. He looked confused enough that Rey was worried he wouldn’t move again. 

‘What?’ 

‘Don’t make me repeat it.’ She breathed, face heating.

‘I thought you just...tolerated me.’ 

Rey scoffed softly. 

‘Why are you asking me?’ 

‘Because I can’t stop thinking about it.’

‘Generally, or?’

Rey shook her head quickly, looking at his wide fingers. ‘Your fingers. They are...very nice to look at,’ she decided on, softening her real thoughts. That they were the most beautiful pair of hands she had ever seen. That she’d spent nights for the past year imagining riding his fingers, nothing else, just that. Her lip quivered under his stare and she blinked. 

‘It’s okay to say no, just say no,’ she murmured.

He looked at her, deliberating before he nodded curtly. ‘Okay.’

‘Okay?’

‘Okay.’ 

Rey stared at him as he shifted in his chair and she realised rather slowly he was uncomfortably repositioning himself in his pants, his cock semi-hard just from talk of Rey’s trade.

She pulled at the chair, letting the wheels slide it across the floor and Rey got onto her knees, reaching for the belt on his slacks and pulling it loose. 

‘Wait. Here? Already?’ 

‘You’re already half-way there, why not?’ She questioned.

He was silent then, and she continued, feeling him harden under her fingers as she undid his zipper and button. Ben lifted his ass briefly to get the trousers somewhat down his thighs and he sat further onto the edge of the chair, Rey between his legs as she massaged a hand over his underwear covered hard-on. It was fiercely stiff now, and Rey found herself swallowing and licking her lips, feeling herself grow wet as she pulled him free. 

‘Fuck, Rey,’ he groaned, his head tilting backwards as she licked a stripe along the underside of him. 

She could cry just at how good he tasted, and she made sure to swirl her tongue over the tip of him, slurping at the pre-cum there, wanting more of the salty liquid in her mouth. It wasn’t nearly enough to sate her, so she sought his climax, her actions intent on sucking everything out of him. Her hands made up for what couldn’t fit in her mouth, and she licked and sucked along him, emboldened by his loud groans. 

And he really was loud, and she liked that. 

‘You’re—I’m,’ he muttered, and Rey felt his thigh twitch under her hand. It was a warning, she supposed, as he came moments later, crying out and filling her mouth. 

It couldn’t all fit before she could swallow, and she drank it back slowly, some of his spend spilling from her lips, and he watched her lick along her full bottom lip before dragging her tongue over her top. 

‘You taste really good. Has anyone ever told you that?’ She asked interestedly. 

Ben was breathing heavily, briefly shaking his head while he tucked himself back into his underwear and trousers, looking nervous. 

‘Do you want me to—’

‘Please.’ Rey knew she sounded desperate, but now she didn’t care. Her heart was pumping at double speed and she wanted to clench on something other than air.

Ben nodded and he reached for her hands, helping her up and then onto his lap. She sat on one of his thighs, as he spread his legs wider to accommodate her. Rey thankful that she was wearing her khaki skirt today. 

‘What do you want me to do?’ He asked.

Rey shifted, pulling her skirt up to her thighs and her underwear down, her breathing heavy as she sat between his legs and he looked up at her. 

‘I want you to put them inside,’ she murmured. ‘At least two.’ 

Ben blinked, and seemed to be deliberating. 

‘Please.’ She repeated.

He breathed heavily and his hand went from her knee to her thigh and then between her legs as he moved it higher. Until his fingers were milimetres from her apex. 

‘Tell me if you want me to stop.’

‘I won’t,’ she huffed breathlessly.

He looked at her for a little too long and then his fingers were drifting along the seam of her and he almost choked on a breath. Rey knew how wet she was. She knew exactly how wet being around Ben for an evening could make her, and with her stomach filled with his spend, she knew she was soaking. 

‘Is this because of me?’ He asked.

Rey nodded, because it was the truth. 

His middle finger drifted towards her clit and Rey moaned, and then it dropped down to her entrance, which he tentatively studied with the tip of it. He gently pressed inside of her and Rey gripped onto him, her head burying into the crook of his neck as he pushed further and further until she could feel the full length of the appendage, wider than her own. It was already almost like what it felt for her to use two fingers on herself, but his were longer. Long enough that he could curl his fingers and touch her— 

Rey cried out, her orgasm hitting her with surprise and far too quickly. Ben had barely moved, and now she was wet enough to know that she was likely drenching her skirt. 

‘Fuck fuck fuck,’ he murmured under his breath. 

‘Don’t stop, please,’ Rey moaned, and she knew she was drooling against his collar as she fisted it into her hands. 

He began to gently thrust into her with his finger, seeming to test out her limits and he pulled his hand back briefly before adding another finger. Rey felt herself tighten over him, the muscles of her walls coaxing him inside and pulling him taught against her. His thumb grazed her clit again and she fidgeted, her arms wrapping around Ben’s neck and breathing in his aftershave. It made her chest hurt and her cunt throb even more. 

His fingers curled and Rey moaned, keening high and almost sounding as if she were in pain with the blinding pleasure she felt.

This was what she had imagined it would feel like. Perhaps even better than she had considered it could be. This had been exactly what she had wanted, and she wanted this moment to last forever, perpetually having Ben fuck her. His fingers would be enough to sate her. She could handle that much.

She felt a third finger fidget, testing around the edge of her, looking for purchase and she gripped harder with anticipation. He left her for a moment, before she felt a wider girth attempt to breach her, sliding immeasurably slowly into her, his thumb sliding just above her, rolling the pearl lightly enough to make her see stars but not send her careering over the edge. 

‘Is this good?’ He whispered, his other hand tight enough to bruise where it rested on her waist.

‘I’ve been thinking about this for so long,’ Rey panted, then moaned. 

‘How long?’ 

Rey buried her head deeper into his shoulder. ‘A year,’ she managed, and that’s all she did, because then she was falling over the edge again, shuddering against Ben as she peaked. He held her steadfast against him, until her breathing had cooled down, and she could pull away. 

She stood up on shaky legs, pulling up her underwear and adjusting her skirt. 

‘Thank you,’ she said breezily, trying to calm her thumping chest and the way all of her skin was on fire. Red with it. 

‘Thank you?’ He echoed, staring at her as she adjusted her clothing and wiped her mouth with the back of her hands. Rey considered the expression was curious, but she didn’t have time to evaluate it, as he was turning away from her, grabbing for his things. 

Rey nodded, smiling lightly. ‘You...I really needed this Ben, so thank you.’ 

He blinked and several seconds passed, Rey beginning to clear up their things before he cleared his throat. ‘I’ll see you next week, then,’ he murmured. 

She smiled and nodded, and he looked at his hand briefly, before wiping it on his slacks and then grabbing his backpack. He didn’t say anything else before he left, and Rey realised she was watching the door for ten minutes after he had gone, a broom discarded in her hands and her heart still stuttering in her chest. 

_You are sated, you greedy bitch._

Yet even still, she felt some relief in the set of her shoulders. Ben’s hands were better than anything her own could do, and she locked up the ceiling, feeling like she could manage, that her sexual fixation on Ben Solo could now pass. That there was somewhere else her mind could go now. She could leave him alone. 

Even as she rode the bus to her apartment, absently smiling as she looked out at the lamplit streets, she could remember what it felt like to have his hands on her. To be able to touch him unabashedly, and she licked her lips briefly, still tasting him there. 

Rey fidgeted in her seat, wanting to rub her thighs together to ease the building pressure again. Once more over excited, and thinking of...wanting to touch herself. It would be so easy to do it. 

Her fingers were able to be distracted by her practice rope for knots and she began practicing until she reached home. Looking out of the window at the passing scenes, her thoughts went to Ben and how he’d looked at her as he’d come, wondering what he’d been thinking when she swallowed every last drop of him. She absently thought about whether she should have kissed him, but Rey shook her head, killing the idea before it warmed her up again.


	2. Chapter 2

‘Please,’ she begged, fingers gripping his ass tight as he fucked into her. 

Sweat dripped from her brow, between her breasts and she cried out, feeling herself dance over him, even as he pumped into her until he was spilling. And it didn’t seem to end, like she was stuck in a circle between her orgasm and his. 

Rey screamed and then her eyes fluttered open. She was soaked in sweat and her sleep shorts were uncomfortably tight against her crotch. Rey tentatively put her hand there, her fingers coated in her slick, stars still fighting behind her eyes. 

Despite how horny she perpetually felt, it wasn’t often that Rey had sex dreams, especially ones that manifested orgasms in real time, so she closed her eyes, trying to imagine again what it had felt like. How long and thick her dream version of Ben had been, how relentless, the heat of his body against hers and what it had felt like to feel coated by him. She wanted to know what his cum felt like between her fingers, dripping between her legs, on the skin of her stomach and breasts. Wanted to drag her fingers through it and pop them in her mouth one at a time. 

Then she remembered what she had promised herself. That once had been enough, that she wouldn’t do this anymore, and she struggled against her desires, pulling her hands from her shorts and placing them behind her back. 

She huffed, frustrated at herself and willed tears not to come. Rey knew how terrible she was being, but this was an all time low for her. 

Ben was more than this. He deserved more than this.

Turning on her side, Rey glanced at her clock – 4:03 – and closed her eyes again, trying to sleep it off. 

It had been a week. A week since she’d tasted him. Since she’d been filled by his fingers, and she was falling backwards, sinking into her own depravity again and Rey was exhausted. She’d known she’d been selfish to ask in the first place, but this just made her efforts to clear her mind pointless. 

Now she had tasted the fruit, there was no going back and she was so so royally fucked. 

**XxX**

'Evening,' Rey said, feigning brightness though she was barely able to look at Ben. This time it wasn't because of how overwhelmingly aroused she felt when she did, but because she felt like she had wronged him. 

Ever since ‘the incident’ as Rey had taken to calling it, she'd wrung her thoughts over the morality of it and how selfish she had been. Poe had said 'it takes two to tango' and that she shouldn't feel bad if he agreed to it, and yet she still did. She had said she'd thought about it for a year, she'd said what and why, but it didn’t feel like true honesty to Rey, and she didn’t know what to do about that.

Ben glanced at her, nodding his head before pouring a cup of coffee for the both of them and sliding one towards her. Unlike usual he didn't try to make small talk, and moved out of the small kitchen and into the main hall. 

Rey sighed. 

_ You fucked it all up _ . 

She sipped at the hot beverage, feeling like she wanted a hole to open up in the ground so she could jump into it. 

Ben’s icy demeanor did not ease even once the children had arrived. He’d been so willing to be friends with her almost a week before, and now...now nothing. 

Rey watched him whenever he was in the room, constantly distracted from activities to peer over at him and see what he was doing.

He was gloomier than usual and his full lips were so often in a firm line, Rey knew she’d offended him. She had taken advantage of his openness, of his kindness, and she was regretting it all. This was the man she’d been obsessed with touching for the better part of a year, and even when her mind knew it would have been better for her to forget about him, she had broken whatever friendship they had instead.

Rey shuffled through her thoughts, thinking of ways to make him at least talk to her again. Making a mental list of all of the things she knew he liked, and while the troop were occupied with painting, she wrote the list on her notepad:

_ Likes: _

  * _Scouting – so being a nerd_


  * Star Trek – sci-fi movies in general


  * Food. Like me. Spicy – because he was the only one who could eat Maz’s chilli. 


  * Reading non-fiction – he always has one with him


  * Tying and untying things. Does that count as puzzles? Maybe puzzles


  * His cat, Art 


  * Red Vines. Also like me


  * The Witcher. The games and the books. 


  * Swimming. 



It was much longer than Rey had thought it would be, and she paused, making a note that they had more in common than she had realised, as well as the fact that she knew more about him than she had anticipated. It made her feel two percent better knowing that at least when he had spoken to her, she had been listening while staring and lusting away. 

Once 7pm came, Ben hustled out before all of the children had left and Peter approached Rey as she cleared away, a frown sitting on his face. 

'What did you do to Scoutmaster Ben?' He asked. 

She choked out a shocked sound and raised her brows as she looked to the young boy. 'Why do you think I did anything?'

'Look, I know we like Snap, but Armie said before he went to camp that if you're mean to Ben, you can get kicked out of the Boy Scouts.'

'Peter, I'm not getting kicked out of the BSA, and what brought this on?'

Peter looked sceptical as he continued, his hands falling to the pockets of his shorts. 'He kept looking at you weird when you weren't looking.' 

'How weird?' Rey asked, trying to stop herself outwardly showing her sadness. 

'Like this.' He narrowed his eyes, and his lips pursed in petulance. It looked like he was considering starting a fight. 

'I see.' 

Peter nodded. 'Do you want me to talk to him? I can mediate. That will work towards one of my citizenship badges, right?' 

Rey couldn't help chuckling and she ruffled his hair. 'Never change, Peter. Don't talk to him, I will.' 

He nodded once more and ran away, grabbing his bag and running out of the door with Calum. 

Rey was left to sweep alone, sighing audibly. It was just like her to ruin a good thing. The thought had tears pricking her eyes and she rubbed at them with the back of her hands before they could fall. 

Rey absently considered whether this is what a broken heart felt like, and then berated herself for her continued ability to conflate what she felt when she had no right. 

**XxX**

The next week wasn't any better and every time Rey cornered Ben to talk to him, to try and engage him in simple conversation, he glanced at her, seeming to read all of her sins in the single glance before he would move away to complete another task. 

Rey went home on the bus crying silently, her fingers dialing for Finn. 

He met her at the bus stop and held her hand as he took her up to his and Poe's apartment. Poe heard the front door close and he peered out of his home office, brows raised. 

'Rey? What's going on?' 

Finn sat her down on the couch and moved to the kitchen, while Poe shuffled over, sitting beside her. 

'What's wrong, baby?' He paused and frowned, looking down at her uniform. 'Something happen at the meeting?' 

Rey sniffed, trying to still the shudders that passed through her. 'He won't talk to me. He barely even looks at me.'

Poe frowned. 'So he's not being amicable about it?' He said aloud. 'That's fine, though. It's only a few more weeks and then he'll be gone.'

'So he'll never speak to me again and that's it?' She asked.

'You said it meant nothing,' Poe said, his voice soft, but enquiring. Rey felt his hand slip into hers and he squeezed it tightly. 'Were you lying when you said that?'

'I don't know. I just know it's eating away at me and I can't take it anymore.' 

Finn placed a mug of tea on the coffee table and Rey reached for it, holding it beneath her mouth so she could feel the steam hit her face. He was silent for a moment, looking at her face carefully. 

'What do you want, Rey?' Finn asked plainly. 

Poe was looking dour. 'This is my fault. If I had known...if it had been...I wouldn't have suggested this.'

Rey shook her head. 'It's me. I…' she looked at Finn. 'I don't want him to ignore me. I want us to be friends. I wanted to stop feeling so desperate about him, but I still feel that way. It's like trying to erase permanent marker.' 

'You can't have both,' Finn said sadly. 'You have to choose whether you want friendship or you want more. We didn’t consider his position when we suggested no-strings, and we were wrong to do that.' 

'That was my job.' Rey said with a tired huff.

Poe leaned back on the couch, sighing at the ceiling. 'We definitely should be banned from interfering in love.' 

‘I don’t love him,’ she murmured.

Finn sighed, taking a seat on her other side. ‘It’s beginning to sound like you do.’ 

Rey didn’t know how to respond, and she stared at the wall, her head aching even though her tears had already stopped. Finn and Poe knew her. They knew all of her past boyfriends, they knew what she liked and disliked. They knew she’d never been in love. 

She snorted softly, smiling to hide the stinging pain that settled in her chest and stomach. ‘I’ve been selfish enough, so I should apologise.’ Rey put her tea down, untangled herself from Finn and Poe’s arms and stood facing away from them, straightening her uniform and clearing her throat.

‘Rey.’ Poe pulled on her hand, his voice so warm that Rey almost thought it was Finn speaking to her. ‘Don’t...don’t ignore what your own heart wants to tell you. Don’t pretend that it’s being drowned out by everything else like you always do. Love and lust aren’t the same, and you know that.’ 

She put her thumbs in her belt loops and turned to her friends, smiling briefly. ‘You say that with a lot of confidence.’

‘Come on, Rey,’ Finn sighed. 

Rey felt her lip quiver and tears begin to form again. She did her best to hold them back, though it was mostly unsuccessful. 

‘You have those big meetings once a month, right?’ Poe started, standing and taking her hand. 

She nodded. ‘Roundtables.’

‘Why don’t you try and talk to him there? Even if all you want to do is make amends and try to be friends.’ 

‘You can’t continue like this, Rey. Whatever happens,’ Finn said with a frown. ‘At least speak your peace.’

Poe nodded in agreement. ‘You know we want you to be happy, right?’

Rey sighed softly and nodded. Her friends both hugged her then. ‘Okay,’ she whispered, knowing they both could hear her. 

Finn drove her home in silence, Rey stewing in her own thoughts. It was only once she was tucked into bed with the lights out that she reached for her phone.

> **Rey:** _ With Poe. What did it feel like? _
> 
> **Finn:** _ Love? _
> 
> **Rey:** _ Yeah _
> 
> **Finn:** _ Confusing. Unexpected. I didn’t really know until I was already in the middle of it, and I didn’t want to go back _
> 
> **Rey:** _ So I won’t just know?  _
> 
> **Finn:** _ Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes it’s a word, sometimes it’s a smile. It could be anything and everything _
> 
> **Rey:** _ Thanks _
> 
> **Finn:** _ No problem. It’ll be okay, Rey _
> 
> **Rey:** _ Yeah, I hope so _

Tossing the phone beside her, Rey lay on her back, looking up at the white ceiling with her hand resting on her heart, wondering about its contents, and all of its secrets.

**XxX**

Rey moved into the hall last, having scoped out exactly where Ben would be. The Roundtable Commissioner was preparing to get to the podium for his usual round-up talk when she hurried over to where Ben was, asking the cubmaster to his right to move over while she took the seat. 

Ben glanced at her, his brows furrowed and a twitch in his mouth before he looked away, his hand clawing at the material of his shorts. 

‘You can’t avoid me forever,’ she whispered. 

He glanced at her again and Rey could see the deliberation in his eyes on whether to just get up and leave. 

‘Let’s at least be civil, Ben,’ she murmured. 

He released a breath and she saw his shoulders settle, though he continued to look directly ahead. The commissioner began speaking and Rey sighed, looking ahead and making notes about the events that would be happening over the next few months. Ben was stock still, though, his notebook abandoned in his lap. 

Rey didn’t try to speak to him again while presentations were given, but once the Q&A portion was announced, Ben took this moment to get up. Rey followed him to the back quickly, practically having to run to keep up with him.

She called his name once they reached the empty entrance hall, and he stopped, but did not turn around. 

‘Don’t be like this, Ben, please.’ She huffed lightly, wanting to knock her head against wood. This had been all her fault. She’d made an absolute mess of everything. 

‘What do you want, Rey?’ He asked tiredly, finally turning to look at her. 

‘Just to talk to you,’ she answered, frowning. ‘You can’t avoid me forever.’

‘I have a few weeks left with your troop. After that you never have to communicate with me again.’

‘Why would that be something I want?’ 

Ben didn’t respond, he just closed his eyes, seemingly to avoid looking at Rey any longer. Rey took this moment to approach him, closing much of the distance between them until she had to crick her neck to look up into his face. 

‘Would you please be honest with me? I feel like...I feel like we’ve misunderstood each other.’ 

‘Misunderstood?’ he echoed, breathing out steadily. ‘Yes, I guess you can call it a misunderstanding on my part. My own delusions of grandeur. Even if it was for a moment, I thought that— ‘ 

Ben immediately cut himself off and Rey’s brows rose.

‘Then you agree that we’ve misunderstood each other?’

He sighed and his eyes finally opened, burning into Rey’s. ‘I’ve felt for a while that maybe our whole relationship has been a misunderstanding.’

Rey was ready to ask what he meant, confusion showing on her features, but Ben shook his head.

‘At the weekend camp, weren’t you flirting with me?’ She hesitated, but Ben continued, sounding frustrated. ‘It was the most I’ve ever heard you speak to me, even when I see you talking to everyone else so easily. I thought that...I don’t even know. I thought that maybe it was me before. That you found me irritating and it was my fault.’

Rey looked over her shoulder as the door opened, the other leaders emptying out of the meeting. She took Ben’s hand, pulling him through the double doors and around the side of the building, away from the parking lot, and out of the exit there. 

She stopped, turning towards him, her fingers still gripped around his. Even though she expected anger, he seemed resigned and Rey had to untie her tongue as she let him go, her stomach feeling terrible at his admission. 

‘You were never irritating,’ Rey murmured. ‘I was in my own head before.’ She closed her eyes, angry at herself for making Ben feel lesser when he was the complete opposite. ‘God, why do you care what I think? Every thought I have is so unimportant and irrelevant.’ 

Ben was silent for a moment and Rey’s brows drooped, her eyes opening again to focus on him – on the man who was so beloved by everyone he met, and she supposed that included her. 

‘I only want to know what you think,’ he responded, far too simply. 

Rey blinked. 

‘I’ve never wished for someone’s attention more than yours. I thought after what we did that maybe you felt the same way, but I was wrong, and…’ He paused, pulling at his hair, enough that Rey automatically reached to loosen his hand. He jumped, backing further away. ‘It meant nothing to you. It means nothing to you.’ He closed his eyes. ‘Yet it didn’t to me, and because of that, I can’t pretend. ’ 

Rey couldn’t speak as she listened to his words. Her chest ached with a longing to hold him, to interrupt and tell him he was wrong. 

‘I can’t stop thinking about it, and when I look at you, I think that maybe that would be enough. Maybe you’ll eventually care about me if I love you enough. But I won’t do that to myself, so I’d rather push my feelings to the side until I’m not with your troop anymore.’

‘You love me?’ Rey breathed. Yet there was nothing but relief she felt from the words. 

Ben closed his eyes and turned, beginning to go towards the parking lot, his hands in fists at his sides. ‘Forget I said anything.’ 

She followed after him, grabbing for his hand and clutching it tightly, despite his resistance. ‘I’m sorry.’ 

‘What are you sorry for?’ He asked.

‘For asking...for asking you to...Ben would you please look at me?’ 

He groaned but turned, and his eyes looked between hers, constantly searching. Rey could read the pain there and she hated that she had caused all of this. She had been greedy and inconsiderate. 

‘I was selfish,’ she said. ‘I thought only about myself—’ 

Ben closed his eyes, interrupting her. ‘You can’t take the blame for that. I could have said no.’ 

‘Do you think you should have said no?’ She asked, her voice low, feeling sombre and pained.

‘No,’ he said. 

‘Then where does that leave us?’ Rey questioned. He looked confused by the question and Rey smiled wryly, feeling overwrought and lost. ‘I don’t want you to ignore me. I don’t want you to pretend like it didn’t happen.’ 

‘I won’t…’ he breathed, not knowing what to say. ‘I look at you and I can’t say no to you. What do you expect me to do, Rey? I can’t—’

Rey felt him shudder underneath her grip and she held onto his hand, her thumb slipping to knot with his and she held the gripped fist to her chest, looking at him carefully. ‘I hurt you, and for that I deserve your worst.’ She huffed and looked to his chest and then back up at him. ‘If you want to leave the troop, then I leave that decision to you, but I want to be honest with you now.’ 

‘You weren’t being honest with me?’ He questioned.

She shook her head. ‘I convinced myself I felt nothing, even when you were all I could think about. Even before what happened, and I realised that somehow I’d convinced myself that it was purely lust, and that I was selfish for feeling that. Because you’re...because you don’t even compare to anyone else.’ 

‘I don’t understand.’ 

Rey smiled weakly, looking earnestly at him. ‘I like you,’ she answered. ‘I more than like you. I’m jealous of how everyone always looks to you, respects you, loves you. I hate that you are the most perfect human being on this planet, who likes the things I like and...and makes me feel this way.’ 

Ben’s eyes skittered between hers, Rey unsure of what he was thinking and desperately wanting to know. 

‘I should have kissed you,’ she murmured. ‘I should have kissed you, and asked you out like a normal person, and I didn’t, and I’m sorry.’ 

He was silent for several moments more and then he was laughing, full-bellied, loud enough that if any of the BSA staff were still milling about, they’d have heard him. Rey lifted her free hand to his mouth, silencing him. He stared at her, his hand reaching to remove hers from his face, leaving both of their hands clasped between them, one still held against her chest.

‘I should have done the same,’ he murmured honestly. 

‘It’s not too late, is it?’ Rey asked, her brow furrowed, looking at him earnestly. 

Ben’s lips curved upwards and rather than supply her with an answer, he leaned forward, his lips connecting with Rey’s. She stumbled, not expecting it, and he let go of her hands, catching her quickly, and pulling her closer as his mouth slanted over hers and her back pressed against the brick wall of the centre. Her fingers were in his hair quickly after that and his hands wound around her back, the exposed skin at her waist warming under his touch. 

‘Go out with me,’ Rey murmured against his lips. 

He smiled, curling a loose tendril behind Rey’s ear and leaning in to kiss her again. He seemed to revel in it, and Rey sighed against the plush feel of his lips over hers, her toes tingling with how he coaxed her mouth open and deepened the kiss. Languidly, filled with everything that would make her go insane. 

‘Yes,’ he answered, his tongue licking out at the corner of her mouth. 

Rey shut her eyes, trying to pretend that her skin wasn’t already overheating, and that she wasn’t wetter than the Atlantic. She was so fucked for him, and he didn’t truly know the gravity of it. With that in mind, she detached herself and took a big step away, trying to not look as deranged and horny as she currently felt. 

‘Then that’s agreed, goodnight Benjamin.’ 

‘Wait, what?’

‘I think we should stop before I embarrass myself.’ 

His brow furrowed and he reached for her, his fingers catching hers and they folded together. ‘I don’t think you could. I think I’m the one more likely to embarrass you.’

‘But you don’t understand, this is.’ Rey tried to pause and think of a way to explain herself without saying she was insane, and that she should at least warm him up to that part of her. It didn’t work, because he was looking at her with such kindness and just – Ben-ness, that the worst of words fell from her mouth. ‘I have masturbated to thoughts of you nearly everyday since I met you.’ 

Ben paused for a moment, and Rey guessed that he was trying to detect the joke that was not there. 

‘I really am digging my own grave here, aren’t I?’

He grinned. ‘I was going to take it as a compliment, but you seem really cut up about this.’ 

‘You think this is funny?’

Ben shook his head. ‘The thought of you having an almost Pavlovian reaction to me is actually highly erotic, and I’m trying really hard to stop  _ myself  _ from being the embarrassment.’ 

‘Ah.’

‘Ah indeed.’

Her eyes flicked to his shorts and the khaki material did nothing to hide the outline of his burgeoning erection, and Rey automatically licked her lips, easily recalling what it had been like to have him in her mouth.

‘You’re drooling, Rey.’

‘Fuck.’

Ben was chuckling again and his hands reached to her cheeks, lips close again, just grazing her own. ‘Let me take you home.’ 

Rey closed her eyes, breathing steadily through her nose.

‘Let me take care of you,’ he added, his voice lowering. 

She felt like she was splitting at the seams. Her eyes glanced down to the fingers that delicately held her face, they were bigger than her face, they were huge even in her own hands. 

‘I might fall apart if you keep looking at me like that,’ she murmured. 

He grinned. ‘Then close your eyes.’ 

And when she did, he was confiscating her oxygen supply, his lips moving more earnestly against hers, his movements deeper and more hurried, and truly like his aim was to have Rey a quivering mess on the concrete without one item of clothing being removed, without even the dull edge of something to grind on. 

Her hands fisted the collars of his shirt and she heard a button pop at the fierceness of her grip. And yet his hands didn’t roam beyond her face, or her waist, even if he seemed hellbent on driving her insane with arousal. 

Only when Rey’s lips felt swollen did he pull back, and his were an even deeper red than usual. His shorts were fully tented and Rey couldn’t quite pull her eyes away from it. When his thumb kneaded the muscle above her clavicle as his fingers drifted through her hair, she shuddered, feeling electricity in her nerves, knowing she was one false move away from orgasming. 

His face pressed against her throat, lips and tongue against her heated skin, teeth nipping at her as his hands finally delved lower, over her ass and tightening on her thigh, pulling the leg of her shorts up. 

Rey panted, clawing at the sleeves of Ben’s shirt as he lifted one of her legs up to hook over his, and he grinded into her. A gasp left her as she spasmed in his arms, her head resting back against the wall behind her, as Ben’s face lifted from her neck. 

‘God,’ she groaned. 

Ben smiled, pressing kisses against her mouth and chin. ‘Did you just?’

She nodded and he grinned wider, and Rey felt as if he pressed her harder against him, even while she was still tingling, still constricting over nothing. It made her eyes roll back, and she was only briefly questioning why they were doing this in the dark outside the Sacramento BSA centre. Yet she didn’t want him to stop. 

Rey loosened her hands and dropped them between them, her fingers reaching for his belt buckle. Ben was breathing heavily as he watched her fingers pull at the button and zip on his shorts and then move to her own. 

He drew her hair over her shoulders and pulled their lips together again as he pressed his clothed erection against her, her fingers stilling on the fastenings of his clothes. Ben paused, his hands freezing at her waist and he pulled back, looking at her with wide eyes, his glasses half askew, his expression serious. 

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing,’ he answered. He loosened his grip and a hand rested against Rey’s cheek, his thumb drifting over her swollen lips. ‘Let me make you pasta.’ 

She hesitated, and then she was laughing. ‘Right now?’ 

He nodded. ‘I want to feed you and then —’

‘— have your wicked way with me?’ She finished, grinning. 

‘Do you think I have the propensity to be particularly wicked?’ He asked, this time his mouth turning up into a smile. ‘Though when I’m finally properly inside of you, I’d prefer it not to be in the dark against the wall of the BSA.’ 

‘Hmm, I get your point.’

‘And I’d like for the next time you come to be on my cock.’ 

Rey grinned. ‘Maybe I’ll oblige. Though if I can come just from you kissing me enough, I think you might have your work cut out for you.’ 

His smile was wide now and his gaze slipped down to her lips and then back up again. Rey, noting the silence, began buckling up their pants and belts. She pushed him back a step, causing his hands to leave her, and she attempted to adjust his shirt, fingering the thread from the two missing buttons. 

‘What kind of pasta?,’ she murmured, kneeling to pick up the buttons she had torn through.

‘Spaghetti aglio e olio.’ 

‘I approve.’

‘I’m glad.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oodles of smut to come in the next update. waheyyyy


	3. Chapter 3

Rey took Ben’s hand, letting him lead her to his car. They drove in relative silence, Rey messing with the radio and taking haphazard glances at Ben, absently overthinking once more. They pulled into the underground parking lot of his apartment complex and Rey got out first, hovering at the passenger door while Ben locked the car, his eyes finding hers over the roof. 

They waited for the elevator, hands clasped, and travelled up to the eighth floor making small talk, as if it wasn’t a huge deal that Rey was going to his apartment; that they’d outrightly confessed their feelings; and they would definitely, one hundred per cent, have sex at some point in the night.

Rey didn’t even have her clothes for work tomorrow. 

On entering Ben’s apartment, Rey decided the best course of action was to go to the bathroom and do some damage control. Once she was out, a bottle of wine was uncorked and breathing, the pasta was boiling and Ben was out of his khaki shirt and cooking in the white under-shirt he’d worn beneath it.

Rey took up the discarded shirt from the arm of the sofa and sifted through her utility belt, taking out her small sewing kit and working at reattaching the buttons. 

‘I can do that myself, you know.’ Ben commented with a soft chuckle, stirring the cooking pasta.

‘Well it’s my fault,’ she answered, sticking her tongue out. 

By the time the two buttons were reattached, Ben was taking the garlic off the stove, pouring the water from the pasta and twirling it in the aglio e olio. Rey hopped off the sofa, looking over the central island as he plated the pasta and offered her the parmigiano to go crazy with. 

He reached behind him for two glasses from the open shelf and poured the opened barbaresco into them both. Rey took the bottle and glasses from his hands, and carried them over to Ben’s small square table, arranging it so that they could sit on the same corner. Ben brought over the two plates, placing them on the table, but not before dropping a brief kiss to the top of Rey’s head. 

‘This is really good,’ she commented, her feet tangling with Ben’s. ‘And you claim you’re not good at everything.’ 

‘An absolute exaggeration.’ 

Rey twirled some more pasta on her fork and chewed on it happily. When she went to take up her glass, Ben’s eyes were on her, and she sipped on the red wine, feeling her heart flutter as he looked at her. 

‘What are you thinking?’ He asked. Rey was ready to ask what he meant when he continued. ‘I’ve seen that expression on your face so many times, and I’ve never known what it meant.’ 

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

Ben laughed. ‘You’re such a liar.’ 

Rey hid behind her glass, emptying it and then reaching for the bottle and topping herself up. ‘You make me nervous when you look at me like that. It feels like you can read my thoughts and you absolutely don’t want a front row seat to the insanity that is my psyche.’ 

‘I want to know why you think I wouldn’t want to know?’ 

‘You’re really pushing this, aren’t you?’ Rey chuckled, sipping at more wine and feeling her stomach warm, though she didn’t know if she could attribute that completely to the wine. 

He nodded and chewed on his last forkful of spaghetti, and watched as Rey did the same. When she was done, she pushed her hair behind both ears and cradled the wine in her hands. 

Ben stood, taking up the plates, rinsing them and loading the dishwasher. Rey watched him do so in silence, heat rising up the back of her neck as he moved around the kitchen. His biceps strained at the sleeves of his t-shirt, his shorts tight against his ass as he bent and the muscles in his legs shifted. Poe was delusional to think that there was nothing sexy about a scouting uniform. 

‘So you’ll just watch me clean, then?’ Ben murmured, humour in his voice. 

‘It’s a really nice view from here.’ 

His eyes met hers over the counter and the smile he sent her was wide – all teeth. 

Rey slipped out of the chair and stood on the opposite side of the island, her hands resting on the marble. Ben’s eyes trailed across her features, his smile growing smaller, but the same spark showing in his eyes. 

‘Would you like some help?’ 

He was wiping down the counter and he chuckled, shaking his head. ‘I think I can manage this.’ 

Rey moved around the counter as he wiped, stopping by his side. He glanced at her, watching as Rey leant her elbow against the stone, her hand against her cheek while she looked up at him.

‘Impressed by my cleaning skills?’ 

She grinned and nodded. Standing straight again, she closed the gap between them, Ben at his full height and looking down at her, his hands still wet. Rey’s hand drifted up his shirt-covered chest and her hand rested against his cheek, her smile widening. He watched her, his jaw shifting underneath her touch and she went onto the tips of her toes, pressing their lips together. 

‘Thank you for dinner,’ she murmured against his lips. 

‘It was a pleasure.’ 

Rey’s arms wrapped around his waist and Ben tossed the cloth in the sink, his attention going to Rey while he wiped his hands on the butt of his shorts. 

‘Tell me what you want,’ Rey asked with a small smile. ‘It’s your turn for a favour.’ 

Ben grinned, his hands going to her shoulders and his fingers tangling in her hair. ‘I’m pretty sure that we want the same thing,’ he answered. He lowered his lips to her neck and Rey moaned lightly as he drifted across her throat, leaving faint kisses there. 

‘Maybe you’re right.’ Her hands drifted down his waist and Rey began unbuckling his belt and shorts. ‘I would really like to give you this first, though.’

‘What?’ His words were muffled against her clavicle, the first few buttons on her shirt undone. 

Ben didn’t need to wait for an answer as Rey’s hands were pulling his shorts down and one slid into his underwear, smoothly drifting over him. His hand tightened at the back of her neck, the other stilling over her chest, finger and thumb still on the third button down. Rey smiled as she felt the heat gravitate towards this part of his anatomy, and she hummed contentedly as he hardened in her loose grip. 

‘God, Rey,’ he muttered, his forehead rolling against her shoulder. 

‘Kiss me.’

He leaned back slightly and Rey was smiling brightly. Their lips met again, Ben panting in her mouth. She tightened her grip as he grew harder in her hand, until he was groaning and pulling at her hands to stop her. 

She broke away from him and then she was on her knees, pulling him free from his clothes. He exhaled when she pressed a light kiss to the head of him, before her lips split and she pulled him into her mouth. 

Ben gripped the counter, groaning, though his other hand went to rest on Rey’s shoulder, and gently pulled her away from him. She was frowning when she looked up, her tongue reaching out to lick at the corner of her mouth. ‘What’s wrong?’ 

‘I...as much as I love this, I’d really like to not come in your mouth at this moment.’ 

‘Hmm,’ Rey murmured, amused. ‘Now where would you like to come?’ She questioned, a devious smile blooming across her face. 

Ben swallowed at the expression alone and Rey felt his dick twitch in her hand, precum dripping from him and onto her thumb. She brought the appendage to her mouth and licked it clean, eyes staying glued to Ben’s.

She stood, expression bright and her fingers moving towards the remaining buttons of her shirt, undoing them and pulling the material over her shoulders. He watched her, tongue soaking his lips as she reached around the back, undoing the clasp on her bra and then pulling it over her arms. 

‘Do you want to come on my tits, Ben?’ She asked, voice thick and even Rey was aware, warmly influenced by the glass and a half of wine. 

His hand gripped the counter beside him tightly, his eyes pointedly on her chest. He didn’t answer, which coaxed Rey into pulling at the fastenings of her shorts, and letting the coarse material drop to her feet, leaving Rey in just her underwear in the middle of Ben’s kitchen. 

‘Somewhere else?’ She queried. ‘Maybe here?’ Her thumbs went into the waistband of her black panties. ‘Do you know how many times I thought about you fucking me?’ 

Ben shook his head, his adam's apple bobbing and his eyelids flickering. 

‘How it would feel, where you would do it.’ She took the hand that was gripping the counter’s edge and rested it on her waist, smiling at the size of it, bringing it down so his fingers dipped into the band, over her ass, deep enough that he could feel her soaked underwear. Even simply reminding herself what he was capable of with those fingers was enough for a moan to slip past her lips. 

‘Can I come inside you?’ He asked, his voice barely audible. 

Rey smiled and nodded. ‘Tell me what else you want?’

‘Everything.’ His hand drifted up again, his thumb dipping into her navel, along her ribcage and then cupping her breast, arcing over it, her nipple being caught in the gap between his fore and middle fingers. Rey closed her eyes, sighing as he caressed her, his head lowering to bury itself against her throat as he breathed her in. 

His hands dipped and she was in his arms. Ben stepped out of his shorts and underwear, carrying Rey through the kitchen and towards an open door at the end of the hall. Ben stopped at the foot of his bed, turning and sitting down so that Rey stayed straddled across him. 

Rey removed his glasses, closing them and depositing them on the edge of his dressing table, then she pulled at his shirt, easily extricating him from it. This time it was Rey’s turn to press soft kisses across his throat and upper chest, enjoying feeling his short nails bruise her thighs where he held her. All that separated them was Rey’s underwear, which grew more and more uncomfortable as the moments passed by. 

Ben breathed deeply, eyes closing as Rey shifted over him, a gasp leaving her and warming the skin at his shoulder. 

‘Are you okay?’ Rey murmured against his clavicle.

He let out a sound that was half-gasp half-laugh and Rey leaned back, grinning, her fingers pulling through his hair. 

‘Are  _ you  _ okay?’ He returned.

Rey chuckled. ‘I could spend forever just kissing you, I think,’ the point cemented with a soft kiss to his mouth. 

Ben watched her as she climbed from his lap and while standing, pulled her underwear down. His hands caught onto her legs, holding her still, while Rey looked down at him, a slight smile on her lips. Ben’s eyes were pointedly focused between her legs and he pushed them further apart, his hands sliding further up, slipping to the inside of her thighs. 

‘Getting a good look?’

‘I didn’t get to last time,’ he murmured in reply. 

‘Now it’s me wondering what  _ you’re _ thinking.’ 

Ben chuckled and met her eyes again. ‘Maybe you don’t want to know what I’m thinking.’ 

‘Maybe we both have the same idea?’ she questioned with a grin. Her hands lifted to his shoulders as Ben pushed her legs further apart. 

‘You could be right.’

Rey closed the space between them, her legs reaching to straddle him again, knees on either side of his hips and his erection pressed between their stomachs. She smiled, a nervous edge to it, before her hand reached between them, positioning him. Her waist was in his hands as she sunk down, teeth chewing at her lips, both of their eyes closed. 

Ben let out a huff of air, thrusting up as by reflex, all of him filling all of her. Rey stilled, taking several deep breaths, fluttering over his length and adjusting to the feeling, finding that it was everything she had been missing. 

‘Are you okay?’ His lips were on her sternum, fingers ghosting over the curves of her waist and ass.

‘Savouring this,’ she said with a smile. 

‘Well I don’t plan on letting you go, so you’ll have a lot of opportunities and a long time to savour this.’ 

Rey grinned, feeling a laugh bubble in her stomach, it reflecting in her eyes as she looked at Ben. She moved against him, beginning to lift herself up, and drag herself over him. Slowly, retreating and pushing down, her breathing uneven as he stretched her. She groaned at the sensation of his mouth over her nipple, licking and sucking, it popping free as she sunk down over him again. 

Ben moaned loudly, kneading Rey’s soft skin, pulling her closer. Rey whimpered, arms weakening as she felt herself crawl closer to her peak. 

‘Can I take over?’ Ben murmured, his volume much lower than his groans.

She just nodded, half distracted. He lifted her with ease, separating them and Rey crawled up the bed, turning back to look at Ben. His hands slipped up her legs as she bent over, and he got onto his knees, lining himself back up with Rey and crowding over her as he thrusted inside of her. 

Rey jerked, crying out, the sheets in the tight grip of her hands. Ben rocked into her, grunting against the back of her neck, grasping tight at her hips as she moaned beneath him. 

‘I’m close,’ she moaned as he ground her into the mattress.

It was only a few more thrusts and she was shuddering, panting into the cotton, feeling her muscles contract over Ben as he continued to slide in and out of her. His breathing was heavier and he slowed, pulling out. 

‘Look at me?’ 

Rey hummed in amusement as she turned around, revelling in how Ben pushed her into the mattress, as he spread her legs. She was flushed, her whole body burning with how right this felt. He kissed her then and her fingers curled the hair at his temples behind his ears as he slotted himself between her legs. 

‘God, you feel so good.’ He murmured, hitching her leg up to change the angle.

She groaned, head bent back, neck straining, building steadily towards her climax once more. Her face was split, her smile wide and elation flowing through her. 

‘Ben,’ she hummed, reaching for him. His eyes caught on hers and he smiled, nudging her nose with the tip of his own. ‘Ben,’ she repeated, unable to stop herself from saying it over and over again, her cheeks aching with the force of her giddy smile. 

‘What?’ He asked, chuckling. ‘Why are you stuck on repeat?’ 

Rey beamed. ‘I’m remembering what you said,’ she stuttered as he thrusted.

‘Which part?’ 

‘When you said you loved me.’ 

He smiled, meeting her eyes. ‘I do. I love you.’ 

Her eyes reached to the ceiling, her fingers drifting across his back as she orgasmed again, a lofty cry leaving her. Ben made several more thrusts before he gave out, his head burying into her shoulder, muffling his cry as he came. Rey closed her eyes, concentrating on the warm sensation and the spasm of his cock at his release, smiling as he whimpered. 

As they waited for their breathing to settle, Ben released Rey from under him, nosing at her shoulder, and placing kisses there. 

Rey stretched her arms and back before wrapping them around Ben’s shoulders, their legs tangling together as he kissed her, neither able to stop smiling. 

‘There’s that look on your face again.’ He held her face softly, his thumb drifting over her eyebrow, along her nose and then against her plush lips. 

She snorted softly, screwing her nose up. ‘What? This one?’ 

‘No,’ he laughed again. ‘This one.’

Rey had thought her expression had normalised, so her brow rose and she touched her face briefly. ‘Maybe it’s a look just for you.’ 

The smile that blessed his face made Rey dizzy and she felt her stomach flip and her chest squeeze in a way that was delightfully painful. And Rey knew what it was and what it meant. She’d spent months convincing herself that she was conflating her lust, when real feelings had stirred her heart, coiling within her like a sickness. It seemed obvious now, and she couldn’t help a laugh bubbling from her. 

A single moment. A simple expression. 

‘Will you ever tell me what you’re really thinking?’ Ben asked, seemingly annoyed that he wasn’t included in Rey’s internal monologue. 

Rey held his gaze steadily, falling into his warm amber irises and her feelings solidifying, becoming concrete and awing her. ‘I think I love you too,’ she finally murmured. 

‘You love me?’ His eyes widened as he repeated her question from earlier on in the night. 

Rey grinned, thinking it ridiculous that he hadn’t known when she felt like she loved him with every breath. 

His hand fell from her face to wrap around her waist, their slightly damp skin sticky, though neither seemed to mind very much. Rey curled into his arms, eyes alight as she pulled herself as closely to him as she could. 

‘I love you.’ Rey confirmed. 

Ben took a deep breath and Rey smiled as her heart continued to thud away, warm and happy in Ben’s arms, wanting to stay like this. 

‘Promise me, no more mysteries about what you’re thinking.’ 

Rey chuckled, kissing the tip of his nose. ‘You sure you won’t regret that?’ 

He nodded, looking serious. ‘I won’t shame you.’ 

She gasped, laughing harder, partially offended. ‘Hey, you have to love me, warts and all.’ 

‘So is that a promise?’

‘What do you plan on doing with the honesty of my overactive imagination?’

‘Is that confirmation that your hidden thoughts are always sexual, then?’ 

Rey chewed on her lip, trying not to laugh. ‘I hadn’t realised how much of a master manipulator you are, Ben Solo.’ 

‘Being a Scoutmaster takes many talents, I can show you one of these days.’ 

‘Hmm, you can show me, yeah?’ Rey murmured, her brows waggling before she burst out laughing again. 

‘I should have guessed that would be your reaction,’ he said with a chuckle. Their lips met again in a sweet kiss, Rey only stopping when she felt Ben begin to harden against her thigh again. When she let go, he attempted to steady his breathing, Rey watching him, amused by his reaction to his own returning arousal. ‘One pro to you telling me your secrets, is that I’m pretty co-operative when it comes to new ideas and adventures.’ 

‘And you’re very giving,’ Rey added in agreement, smirking briefly.

He nodded. ‘Giving is my favourite pastime.’ 

Rey’s breath hitched as Ben snaked a hand down between them, his fingers dipping between her legs, slipping through both of their cum and gently stroking against her sensitive skin. 

‘There’s also something I didn’t get the opportunity to tell you, that I’ve been thinking about for a few weeks now.’ 

‘What’s that?’ Her voice was strained, and she struggled to keep her face straight. 

Ben pressed kisses along her jaw and towards her ear, before stopping there. ‘After being in your mouth, you don’t know how badly I wanted to do the same to you. The look on your face as you…’ Rey quivered, whimpering softly in his arms and Ben twitched at the sound, pausing. ‘...it was all I thought about.’ 

‘Did you touch yourself thinking about it?’ Rey asked, squeezing her eyes shut as Ben drew slow circles around her clit, the wetness there causing soft pants to leave her. 

He was silent for a moment, his finger moving, listening to the obscene sound of him pleasuring her. He dipped a finger into her, deep and quick, revelling in the wet sound as Rey swallowed back her own saliva. She was sorer than she thought she’d be, but his gentle touch was satisfying in its own way. 

‘I thought I’d hurt myself with how often I did, especially that first night.’ 

Rey moaned and he continued on, insistent. 

‘Rey?’

Her breathing was shuddering as she met his eyes again, and the honey colour had been drowned by black. Another finger pressed into her and Rey felt a muscle in her cheek spasm. He was looking for her answer. This was a request. 

‘Clean me up, Ben.’ Her voice was quiet, her body soft and pliable in his arms. ‘Please. Then I can take care of you.’

Ben smiled and nodded. ‘I can do that.’ 

Rey watched him as he pulled himself out of her arms, untangling their legs as he shifted down Rey’s body, and parted her legs. Most of his cum had dribbled free, coating the inside of her thighs, and drifting backwards into the crease of her ass. 

‘Are you sure?’ She murmured, despite being surprised by the resolution in his eyes. 

He didn’t answer, he just lowered himself so that he lay on his front, his arms taking both of Rey’s legs over his shoulders, spreading her wider as his lips pressed open-mouthed kisses across her wet skin, cleaning her of his spend. 

Her eyes didn’t leave him as he committed thoroughly to the job. Rey felt her eyes roll back at the attention he paid to the inside of her legs, reminded of the fact he’d barely had to touch her to make her come against the BSA building. He lapped at her skin like it was the ambrosia of the gods, and she could see him rub himself gently against the sheets, keeping his usually loud moans of arousal as quiet as he could. 

When he finally reached the apex of her thighs, he licked at her perineum, before his tongue dove upwards, through the entirety of her anatomy, before dipping back down to her entrance. Rey’s hands fisted the covers beneath her as he sucked on her, drinking back the liquids he found there, his tongue delving into her, filling her much deeper than she had expected. His nose bumped against her clitoris and she cried out, choking out her orgasm and feeling hot tears on her cheeks. 

‘Fuck,’ she groaned.

Ben took a deep breath, looking up at her and leaning forward so his chin could rest low on her stomach. His lips gleamed and Rey chuckled, reaching forward, her forefinger tracing his wet lips. She hummed softly, holding his gaze before she fully sat up and took possession of her legs again. Rey folded them, while Ben still lay on his front, watching her. She was staring, not quite sure what to say, and surprisingly feeling somewhat overwhelmed. While four orgasms in a single night wasn’t exactly a record for Rey, she felt like even her hair follicles were getting a workout. 

He eventually sat back up, his cock hard, bumping against his stomach as he curled over himself. It seemed to Rey that he was willingly holding himself back, not minding, despite how swollen and needy the head of him looked to her. 

‘Let me,’ Rey started, getting onto her knees and crawling to close the gap between them. 

‘I think you might need another plate of pasta first.’

He slipped off the bed before she could catch him, and she stumbled, her chin hitting his mattress. ‘Are you running away from me, Ben?’ 

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ he answered, though was quite clearly moving toward the door, still naked.

Rey reached backward, grabbing one of his pillows and just managing to hit his calf as he moved through the open door. ‘Come back, Ben. Unless you are bringing back something worthwhile.’

‘What’s worthwhile?’ He called from the kitchen. ‘I told you I’d show you all my tricks,’ he added, sounding almost bored.

She rolled onto her back, counting the lights in the fixture above Ben’s bed. ‘I feel like it defeats the point if I help you figure that out,’ she answered, her hand stretching above her head, blocking out the light. 

He walked back in the room, Rey seeing his upside down form, amused by the angle of his penis as it remained erect, pointing in her general direction. Then she looked to his hands, turning right-side-up quickly enough to give herself whiplash. The relaxed expression on his face did nothing to stop her from beginning to laugh as her eyes roved over the five feet of hemp rope he was slowly winding around his hand. 

‘Oh, now this definitely has some merit.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> done. wahooo. Tell me what you thought, if you don't mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Love you all. Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Saidah08) if you like :P. I post stupid stuff.


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